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Francine Caitlyn Chye
a.k.a. Hurricaine Fran
a.k.a. Fran the PCD
a.k.a. the happy bunny :D
<3
040889 (August baby!)
Crescent, ACJC, hocker
xoxo
If it's meant to be, it'll be(:
"And sometimes good things fall apart
so better things can fall together"
don't think, just run
Monday, January 30, 2006
Back from Malaysia and i must say, it has been the most emotionally draining trip in my life. Cancer is a scary thing, especially since it's someone though now emotionally close to you, but blood related.. that has it. Seeing my Yeh-Yeh so weak.. i don't know. I just feel like screaming for someone to do something about it, take him outta his misery, give him back his energy. Then everything else, the whole inside story.. It's become so clear now in his (possible)dying moments. But the Lord's will will be my Yeh-Yeh's way, i know. No one knows what's gonna happen but Him and i guess everyone's just taking it a breath at a time cos afterall, what do we know? Just one thing though, to be able to treasure life, to live it to its fullest is a gift that i pray and hope everyone will acquire cos honestly, life's too short to waste it away not saying the things that you need to say; it's too short to regret not taking action or telling people you love them or miss them or just wanna hold on tight and never let them go. See? I give hugs for good reasons (:
Looking back at all the time i wasted believing that you were the one for me, lies-all lies. And it sucks, really. Cos i really feel that so much time, effort, tears, energy had been put it, on my part, for a good part of the last 1 and a half years. Was it worth it? Only God knows. I don't regret cos like what's always said, experiences serve to enrich our lives. Some we savour, others we look back only to cringe inwardly and sigh with relief that yes, we were young and stupid and thank goodness we've matured and it's over. Of course in everything there will be parts, segments and etc to be missed terribly and i guess in that i miss the sense of security and knowing that no matter what ther's someone there to hold me through adversities no matter how minute and to tell me that baby, it's gonne be okay. Consistency. Then i wonder-WHERE was the consistency? Even in the darnest situations, did i have you there for me? At times, but inside i'm so glad that it has come to this. The only was i'll be able to move on is if the longing is turned into not even hurt but.. a feeling of numbness-if there is such a word-complete, utter emptiness. Cos i was getting sick of it. I wanted, i needed OUT and i'm happy i got it-IT WAS ABOUT TIME. At times i used to see other (once-stupid) happy couples and the pang was felt ever so strongly. I used to wonder if i regretted the first 'letting go' and later on, regretting not holding onto the second for longer. Now that i know the latter had nothing to do with me, it feels stupid to even think about it and the first? It was the right thing to do. I think we're both happier. But yeah now.. Now i can't believe i was ever attached. I honestly cannot imagine having been or being attached. To anyone. I told aleee that i'm morphing into her. How scary. But yes, talk about anti-guy. Just anti guy in that sense though. Guys are so much better as FRIENDS (((:
Oh yeah, i had a scandalous evening. So. Scandalous, please.
Lord i know i've been drifting further and further away. I know that my mind has been far away but i know You know that my heart is always with You. Lord, bring me back to Your side, draw me close and help me to listen to Your soothing voice telling me that everything's gonna be okay. Lord, so much has been happening but through it all, i give thanks to You for my wonderful family which i would be so lost without, for my friends, Lord, both old and new and for all the simple every day things that we so often take for granted. Lord i need you to hold me because i need a pillar of strength for fear of my collapsing. Help me, Lord. Hear me.
-loves.
ex-oh, ex-oh
2:12 AM
